I obviously have a problem. Let’s be honest…I have several! Haha! But in all seriousness, I have an eating disorder. I ignored this fact forever. I didn’t admit this even a year ago when I started my weight loss surgery journey.
I first brought this fact to awareness about a month and a half ago. It came over me with such force I was compelled to do something about it immediately. I contacted an eating disorders clinic based out of Pittsburgh. It was clear I met criteria to continue on with their admissions process. Unfortunately they are not covered by my insurance so I did a web search for therapists in Greensburg who specialize in this area.
The universe was definitely helping me and a name popped up on my browser. I emailed her on a Sunday, she replied on Monday and I was scheduled for an intake for that same Wednesday. And so it began.
“L” knows what’s she’s doing. My first session she told me she was going to “CBT you to death!” Bring it on I said. And she is bringing it! For anyone unfamiliar with CBT…it’s a mental health modality that stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Basically changing your thoughts will change your behavior. Sounds simple, but it’s not easy.
I decided to embark on this because of fear. I don’t trust myself (I’m working on that daily) to be successful. Let me rephrase that…I don’t trust myself to stay successful years down the road. I’m afraid I’m going to lose all of this weight, but then I’ll regain it all back…like I have always done in the past.
Geneen Roth’s book, “Breaking Free From Emotional Eating” was my first bit of homework. I highly recommend anyone with emotional eating issues give this book a read. Many examples and thoughts in the book I identified with…which further confirmed the fact I have an issue.
The exercises in the book are difficult concepts for me. The main train of thought is that I can eat anything. It’s ok to eat what I want…wait! Say what?!?! No way! That hasn’t worked out too well for me in the past. The hard part of this concept is to listen to my body and acknowledge the physical and emotional responses that come up in relation to everything! Yeah, I didn’t do that!
In the three visits I’ve had with “L,” I can say there are small shifts in the areas I discussed above. I’m excited about this and am encouraged daily that I can trust myself!