Cleaning Out My Closet

ClosetDoors

With losing 80+ pounds, I’ve needed to get rid of a lot of my “super fat” clothes. I have gone through my closets twice now and donated about 5 kitchen garbage bags to Goodwill. It took a really long time to go through each piece of clothing, try it on, and decide which pile it went to. I had the foresight (or wishful thinking) to save some of my smaller pieces of clothes and bring them to Pennsylvania with me. It was like I had a whole new wardrobe by the time I finished! It felt good to get rid of so many things because they were ridiculously large on me. I want to keep the BIG stuff OUT for good this time! The last time I lost weight, I saved my big clothes. I don’t want bigger sizes to even be an option anymore, which is why I got them out of my house. No more buying big sizes!!!  I will continue shrinking!!! I feel it this time!

With that being said, I struggle with an evil, inner critic. While it was fun to be getting rid of my “super fat” clothes, I found I was being really critical of myself. I also found my inner critic rearing her ugly head as I tried on several pairs of pants that were still too small. She screamed at me, “You are SO fat! How could you allow yourself to get this way?!?!” Lately, I’ve been working really hard at becoming more gentle with myself when I find that critic yelling inside my head. I told myself that while I’m not ok with my current weight and size, I am doing the best I can to make a healthy change for myself. I reiterated to myself, I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN. If I’m doing the best I can, then I can’t do any better.

NegativeThoughts

It has really helped using this gentler, kinder voice, however, I found myself agreeing with the critic and accepting what she had told me. I dismissed all of the work I had already done and really was hard on myself. I had to take a step back and remind myself that I hadn’t put all of the weight on overnight and I wouldn’t be able to lose it all overnight either. I committed to fit into those pants one day!

Closer

I’m winning the battle with my inner critic this time though and I will triumph in this war. I’m not letting her bring me down. I refuse! I refuse to feel bad about losing 87 pounds. I refuse to give in to the critic’s abuse, which often led me to binge on carb laiden foods in the past. I refuse to doubt myself. I refuse to doubt that this plan works…HELL, if it didn’t work, I wouldn’t be 87 pounds lighter!!!

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