What Was That?!

There are some cool things that I am beginning to notice about my body as I continue to lose weight. The first thing I really noticed was a ring I wore a lot was becoming looser. Then I noticed my fingers were becoming more stick like instead of their usual plump, rubber band around the knuckles, looking selves. The knuckles are becoming the thickest part of my fingers now, which is really how most peoples’ fingers are, right?

Then I began to notice the wrist knob. I don’t know what else to call it, but it’s that bump that is on the top side of your wrist (pinky side). I used to never be able to see it…I could feel it, but not see it.

About a month ago, I took a good look at my driver’s license photo. What I saw was CRAZY!!! I mean, straight up CRAY-CRAY. I saw a woman staring back at me who didn’t have a neck and quite plump cheeks. When I look in the mirror now, I can see a distinct separation between my head and my shoulders.

Now, a few weeks ago, I really got freaked out! I was smoothing out my shirt over the sides of my stomach when my hands hit something hard, at about belly button level. I was startled. I thought, “What the hell?! What was that?!?!” I had never noticed anything hard there before so I began prodding these hard spots. They were in the same place on each side of my abdomen. There wasn’t any pain as I poked, and the hard places didn’t move as I pushed. It finally dawned on me these were my pelvic bones. I’ve had a nice ring of fat around my mid-section for so long, that I forgot they were there!

I’m excited to see what I notice next. For some these noticings may seem trivial or insignificant, but for me they have been HUGE (no pun intended!!!). It’s amazing how foreign my body was to me for so long. I avoided looking at myself…mirrors were the WORST! I avoided them. I would avert my eyes if I was standing near a mirror in which I could see my reflection. My mindset was, “If I can’t see it, then it’s not true,” which was just wishful thinking.

My eyes are open now. I have begun to really look at myself in both the literal physical sense as well as the metaphorical sense. Now that my eyes are open, I am trying to tackle the emotional stuff that really drove my unhealthy relationship with food. I posted a while back about emotional hunger and I have found that I continue to turn to food when I’m in pain or angry, but I’m much more aware of when this happens and I don’t give in to the hunger like I did in the past. I mentioned I’m seeing a therapist a couple times a week, which has helped me to “open my eyes.” This whole journey is a process and for the first time in my life, I feel like I am present in that journey. I’m the one in control and making choices that are best for me and my health…not just based on what feels best.

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